Wednesday, August 29, 2007

The death of a friend

A lovely young man, Justin, died in his sleep Monday morning. He used to work with us. His father still does. I'm so very sad. I cried when we were told Monday. When my son emailed pictures of Justin to me today, I got teary-eyed again. I'll probably cry at Justin's laying out Thursday evening and his funeral, Friday. He was my son's officemate for a couple of years, and he was always helpful and kind. I cried, too, last month when I was told that Mark, a young man I used to babysit and play with as a kid, drowned down in Mexico. I've not seen Mark in years. Although I've stayed in touch with his parents and his paretns are some of my dad's best friends and next-door neighbors, Mark and I have both grown up and moved on. Again, he was a lovely person, a missionary with a wife and young daughter. Such a loss, both of them. Justin was only 26. Mark was 40 at most. Yet, when my husband's step-mother died a couple years ago, I wasn't sad. I didn't cry. I'm still not sad and I don't think I ever will be. She was a witch to my family and did some dastardly things. Yet, she was actual family - she was mother to my husband's siblings. I don't feel guilty, at least not much. I feel more guilty that I don't feel guilty about her death. Does that make me an awful person? That I am having such a hard time dealing with Justin's death but not the step-mother? I can't even say her name. She still makes me so angry. She brings up such horrible feelings of anger and hatred. This week, I'm a mess. Perhaps after Justin is laid to rest I'll be able to cope better. If you read this, please say a prayer for Justin and his family and also for Mark and his family. I can't imagine losing one of my children. My heart aches for their families and for them.

2 comments:

Mandy Leigh B. said...

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of Justin and Mark. That is so terribly sad. I will definitely say a prayer for them and their families. I can definitely understand your numbness towards the death of your husband's step-mother. I think everyone has someone in their family that they feel that way about, but they just don't admit it.

Ashley Ladd said...

Thanks Mandy.

I still miss Justin (well, both of them, but it's been years since I've seen Mark and Justin much more recently), but I'm going on.

We had a new lady start at work in my department last week. It's so odd to think she never knew Justin, that she never will, and that life goes on. Someone leaves and someone new enters.

I'll always remember Justin fondly and I really think Heavenly Father called Justin home, that he needed him in Heaven for something important.

Okay, I'd better stop as I'm getting teary eyed again for the first time since the funeral.

Ashley

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