Friday, January 23, 2009

Are romance writers normal?

The intrepid Ms. Jones recently asked if romance writers are normal? At least in regards to thinking about and writing sex. She concluded "no", we are not normal. I have to concur. I think. It's normal for me and it seems to be normal for my romance writing colleagues. But I have to admit, I don't hear or see my other friends and family discussing ways and places to have sex or even 3/4 of the weird things we writers talk about. Someone on my publisher's loop recently sent a joke email about sex riddles. It's pretty raunchy but hey, raunchy is what we sometimes do. Note, I said "sometimes", not always. We like to have fun plus being an erotic romance writer, we have to put thought into new ways and new positions and new places to have sex or else our books would get pretty boring. Do you really want to read about couples having missionary sex and NOTHING else? I read the sex riddles to one of my older children (I have young ADULT children, so don't tar and feather me yet) and she was like "ew" who sent you that? Then I only sent it to my hubby - until now. What the hell. If you're at this blog you have to know that occasionally we get into sex talk and jokes. It's what we erotic romance writers sometimes do. We've also been known to discuss odd facts and theories about vampires such as what type of dental floss they use. Inquiring minds want to know. I have to say, I'd be bored silly with all "normal" conversations. Even if I'm having a normal conversation with somebody, you can bet my minds flying off on a million different weird tangents to do with one or more of my books. I told you, if I ever became a super hero, I'd be "ADHD Woman". Some of these aren't great and some are groaners, but a couple are pretty funny. Enjoy! SEX Riddles * > ** > ** > *1. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes? * > * Goes-in-tight. * > ** > *2. What does a 72-year-old snatch taste like? * > * Depends ...* > ** > *3. What's "68"? * > * You do me and I owe you one.* > ** > *4. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? * > * Gagged! * > ** > *5. What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates?

* > *A tearjerker. * > ** > *6. Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters will improve your sex > life? * > * Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything. * > ** > *7. How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?* > ** > *Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!* > ** > *8. What's the definition of a vagina?* > * The box a penis comes in. * > ** > *9. What two words will clear out a men's restroom?* > * "Nice Dick!" * > ** > *10. What do you call a truckload of vibrators?* > * Toys for Twats. * > ** > *11. Why do we have orgasms? * > * How else would we know when to stop? * > ** > *12. What's the definition of indefinitely? * > *When your balls are slapping up against her ass, you're in ... Definitely! > * > ** > *1**3. Define Transvestite:* > * A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!* > ** > *14. What do a dildo and soy beans have in common? * > * They are both used as a meat substitute.* > ** > *15. What do you call kids born in whorehouses? * > * Brothel sprouts.* > ** > *16. What is every Amish woman's private fantasy? * > * Two Mennonite. (Men a nite)* > ** > *17. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood? * > * His hand caught fire. * > ** > *18. Why is sex like a game of bridge? * > * You don't need a partner if you've got a good hand.* > ** > *19. What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between his teeth? * > * Gladiator. (Glad he ate her)* > ** > *20. Why do you get paid more at the Sperm Bank than at the Blood Bank? * > * Sperm is handmade. * > ** > *21. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? * > * Put a nipple on it.* > ** > *22. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?* > *Slow down and use a lubricant *
You'll also want to see what Amarinda Jones, Anika Hamilton, Anny Cook, Barbara Huffert, Brynn Paulin, Bronwyn Green, Dakota Rebel, Kelly Kirch, Molly Daniels, Sandra Cox, Regina Carlysle, and Cindy Spencer Pape are up to, so make sure to visit them also. :)


Unknown said...

And oh hell, who wants to be the common perception of normal?

Regina Carlysle said...

Funny! Thanks for the laughs!

Sometimes wonder if my characters will eventually screw while hanging from the light fixtures. HA.

barbara huffert said...

Yep, I'm definitely a romance writer. I thought they were funny.

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