My Mother

I know Father's Day is this Sunday June 22nd and most people are thinking of their fathers at this time of year. However, my mother died 21 years ago today.

I try to forget what day this is. Usually, I'm teary-eyed on and off every June 18th. Sometimes I break down and cry. So far, so good. As I was writing the date this morning, realization struck that this is the anniversary of Mom's death. I didn't have any written reminders but it's embellished in my mind. I miss her so very much. I was her only child and so she doted on me. I was spoiled. My grandfather said so. And my cousin. I didn't appreciate her enough while she was here. We often argued. We didn't see eye to eye. But I always loved her. A lot of time has passed since she left us. I've had two more children that she will never meet. She has a grand-daughter-in-law and two great-grandchildren. Several more cousins have been added to the family tree. I earned my MBA and have had several books published which she'll never know about. Or will she? It often feels as if she's my guardian angel and that she is watching over me. I feel her presence, her gaze looking down upon me from heaven. Oh dear, the sting of tears is pricking the back of my eyes. I want to celebrate her life and starting next year, we'll throw a party every June 18th. I think she'd like a party in her honor. Maybe we'll barbecue. A young man in my office recently told us that he wants everyone to grill hotdogs and have a party when he dies. He wants a happy send off and he wants people to celebrate his life, not mourn it. I'm tired of the tears. I want to remember all the good things about my mother. She loved to watch John Wayne movies. She loved to read books, especially historicals. She loved to sew. She made my wedding gown and many of my clothes as I was growing up. She worked in alterations, tailoring, and bridal all her life. She was very good to her ill parents. She loved to bowl. She got me hooked on General Hospital. She liked to travel. She fell in love with California when she traveled there for my wedding. She spent her last days there. I love my dad, my uncle, my husband, and my oldest son who are all fathers, too. Since Father's Day is around the corner, I also want to wish them and all the dads everywhere a very happy Father's Day. But my thoughts today, are with my mother. Ashley http://www.ashleyladd.blogspot.com/

15 Years!

15 years! Today is my fifteen year anniversary at my day job. It's my second home. I spend more waking hours there than at my house. My co-workers are definitely my second family. My identity is very wrapped up in it, just as much as my identity as a wife/mother/daughter/niece and as a romance writer. I've come a long way in fifteen years, both in my career and in the rest of my life. Sometimes when I sit in my boss's office and we're discussing big problems with our system, staff, or donors, I remember back to my college days when I dreamed of being in this exact role. I wanted to be like Melanie Griffith in "Working Girl" - a manager with my own office, in charge of a department (or two or three), and tackling big corporate matters on a daily basis. Well, I made it. I'm on the right path and in a good place. I'm not a director yet, but I am a manager and I have a very interesting job that benefits a lot of people beyond myself. I've seen my CEO leave under gunfire. I've seen Y2K come and go. I saw the horror of 9-11 first explode on the TV while I was at this job. I've prayed with my coworkers often. I've battened down from hurricanes and cleaned up after at this job. I've seen people die, lose spouses, marry and even remarry. My youngest son who is now 14, was born while I worked here. I've done a whole lot more at this job than I ever dreamed. Our building isn't in the middle of a huge metropolis like New York or downtown Miami or even Ft. Lauderdale, but we have an extremely nice building with good equipment and office furniture. We have a beautiful yard - more beautiful than looking at a smoggy metropolis with tall buildings that block out the sun. I don't have a Harrison Ford look-a-like wooing me, but then again I'm married. I work for a charity so I have the honor and privilege of helping a lot of people which isn't something I imagined in college but which is something I'm very happy about now. During this time I've also become a published writer. I've gained a beautiful daughter-in-law and two beautiful grandchildren. We bought our own home. I lost nearly 100 pounds (and regained some). I've loved this fifteen years and I look forward to the next. Maybe I'll be promoted to director one day. Maybe I'll be published by Harlequin or Dell. And maybe I won't. I've achieved so much already that I can never be disappointed with my progress. I've achieved so much and I have a great life. Whatever happens from this point is more gravy. You'll also want to see what Amarinda Jones, Anika Hamilton, Anny Cook, Barbara Huffert, Brynn Paulin, Bronwyn Green, Dakota Rebel, Kelly Kirch, Molly Daniels, Sandra Cox, Regina Carlysle, and Cindy Spencer Pape are up to, so make sure to visit them also. :)