Please Let This Be An Alternate Universe

I'm having a similar day to that of this mom.

No, my kids didn't steal my dildo and stick it in the snowman for the world to see.

I wish that was what made my day bad.

Actually, today was going well. Although work was busy, all of us in the office were in a good mood, giddy in fact. We laughed and smiled and left work happy. And then I stopped at the grocery store...

While I was inside shopping, somebody hit my car, then ran. They left a big dent and ugly scrape on the passenger door of my van.

There was a witness who gave us the license plate number and description of the vehicle. When the police ran the license plate number, they didn't find any insurance on file for the man.

Then I came home to find out my grandson and son were here expecting a birthday party. That was the first I knew about it. The house was a wreck. There was no cake, no ice cream, and unwrapped presents. Isn't someone supposed to tell me if I'm throwing a birthday party?

I'm beginning to think I slipped into an alternate universe. Maybe that would be a good thing. Perhaps in MY universe, MY car is still beautiful and unblemished and I won't have to pay an insurance deductible and rent a car while my baby's in the shop.

Please let my kids know, that despite what I wrote above, I will be upset if they put my dildos on display in my front yard. And that I will give away their Christmas presents and give them coal instead.