Please Let This Be An Alternate Universe

I'm having a similar day to that of this mom.

No, my kids didn't steal my dildo and stick it in the snowman for the world to see.

I wish that was what made my day bad.

Actually, today was going well. Although work was busy, all of us in the office were in a good mood, giddy in fact. We laughed and smiled and left work happy. And then I stopped at the grocery store...

While I was inside shopping, somebody hit my car, then ran. They left a big dent and ugly scrape on the passenger door of my van.

There was a witness who gave us the license plate number and description of the vehicle. When the police ran the license plate number, they didn't find any insurance on file for the man.

Then I came home to find out my grandson and son were here expecting a birthday party. That was the first I knew about it. The house was a wreck. There was no cake, no ice cream, and unwrapped presents. Isn't someone supposed to tell me if I'm throwing a birthday party?

I'm beginning to think I slipped into an alternate universe. Maybe that would be a good thing. Perhaps in MY universe, MY car is still beautiful and unblemished and I won't have to pay an insurance deductible and rent a car while my baby's in the shop.

Please let my kids know, that despite what I wrote above, I will be upset if they put my dildos on display in my front yard. And that I will give away their Christmas presents and give them coal instead.

And you thought you were safe...

And you thought you were safe...from me waxing on about my favorite TV show, American Idol. It's not the time of year I obsess over it and every other blog post at least mentions AI. However, I found this awesome video of Adam Lambert performing live on stage "Whole Lot of Love". Not only do you get to hear his awesome voice and see his performing artistry (this guy was very pro before he ever joined AI), you get to see concert goers throw dildos at Adam and Adam kick one back. I kid you not. Click on the You Tube video below to see for yourself. Why would someone throw dildos at the guy? Because he's gay and they don't like him? Because he's gay and they do like him? Some other reason? You'll also want to see what Amarinda Jones, Anika Hamilton, Anny Cook, Barbara Huffert, Brynn Paulin, Bronwyn Green, Dakota Rebel, Kelly Kirch, Molly Daniels, Sandra Cox, Regina Carlysle, and Cindy Spencer Pape are up to, so make sure to visit them also. :)

Loving Reseach

I work a full time day job and I write books, so weekends, even holidays off the day job, I work the other job. Sometimes I think I'm always working. My youngest has complained such -- recently. Friday, my holiday for the 4th of July, I worked at Borders as usual. This time, however, I noticed the non-fiction sex books section. Since I write erotic romance and since I've been blocked on my story lately, particularly the sex scenes, I checked them out. I purchased two how to have sex better books which also suggests many different sexual positions. One even had semi-explicit pictures. I read that book the same evening as soon as I got home. I was amazed how much I don't know about sex. I'm almost 50 for God's sake. I have five children and two grandchildren. And I write EROTIC romance. I'm supposed to know a lot about this stuff, right? I thought I did. Obviously, I didn't. So I did more research this afternoon in Spencer's, in the sex toy and sexy books section. I'm sure I was blushing. I couldn't believe I was embarrassed. I should have been passing out my business cards and been carrying copies of my books. I'll work up to that. I bought several toys at Spencers and I borrowed several more sex manuals at the library today. I couldn't wait for hubby to get home from his weekend away umpiring. I had trouble deciding which dildo to buy. I wanted to find nipple clamps but couldn't and I was too embarrassed to ask the clerk. I bought a mini vibrator that attaches to your tongue (it wouldn't stay on so I attached it to my finger instead. Hubby still loved it.). I bought sugar-free, strawberry flavored, warming lube. I almost bought a game of different sexual positions. I discovered a kit to make your own dildo of your lover's penis. It's a cast. People who make this will have their lover's shape. Also, he won't get jealous as it will be his. I'm seriously thinking of buying one for my d-i-l's birthday later this month. Every pay day I'll buy another sex toy or two. Can I write them off on my taxes since they are (partially anyway) research for my books? New blog posts? Seriously. They could run into some money. One dildo was $80. I'll be busy researching for awhile. Reading and researching is wonderful to break through writer's block. I have so many new ideas I can't wait to find the time to write. Also, this has the added excellent benefit of making hubby very happy. He's not bitten off my head all night and he's willing to do just about anything for me tonight. You'll also want to see what Amarinda Jones, Anika Hamilton, Anny Cook, Barbara Huffert, Brynn Paulin, Bronwyn Green, Dakota Rebel, Kelly Kirch, Molly Daniels, Sandra Cox, Regina Carlysle, and Cindy Spencer Pape are up to, so make sure to visit them also. :)