Michael Jackson's Billie Jean

I'm in shock. I'm echoing so many people from my generation down to my kids'. It's a shame someone so young is gone. It's a shame Michael Jackson had so much sadness in his life. It proves money and fame isn't everything. MJ is only a few months older than me. We grew up together. He's been in my life since I was 6 or 7 years old. Every blog I've read this weekend mourns his death. Although I was a bigger fan when he was younger, I mourn him, too. My younger daughter just said, "I didn't think Michael Jackson would never be gone." Here's his version of "Billie Jean". He was an amazing performer. It's weird how we can watch and listen to people who are gone. I've always thought so. Perhaps this makes him immortal in a sense. Perhaps my books do the same for me. And now, David Cook's version which is really different. I didn't like it at first. It took me a long time to warm up to this much slower, soulful version. But since I'm totally in love with DC, and it got on my DC recording in error, I like it a lot now. When I played it a few moments ago, it took my daughter a few minutes to recognize it as Michael's song. Billie Jean isn't my favorite Michael Jackson song, but I do like it. I like his earlier songs with the Jackson 5 best. However, I like Thriller a lot, too. It boggles my mind that someone my age is gone. I don't consider myself old at 49, almost 50. I don't think my life is almost over. However, MJ's passing makes me feel very mortal. Life is fragile. We don't get forever in this form. Michael Jackson accomplished a lot in his time. He made a lot of people happy. His songs will continue to do so. I hope I still have time to add to my repertoire of books but if I don't, I hope the ones already published will speak well of me. My "Thriller" or "Billie Jean" is probably "American Beauty". Hopefully, I'll write more books that will top it. We'll see. I'm always trying to do so. If only I could repeat the recipe. My prayers and condolences go out to Michael's family. My hugs go out to everyone who is in mourning for Michael. I imagine that's a big portion of the world today.

Weird Murders

Murder's on my mind lately. I'm writing the sequel to "Simon Says", an M/M comedy romantic suspense releasing Monday June 29th at Total-E-Bound. The sequel is also a comedic murder mystery and I'm trying to think up funny ways people die or try to kill other people. Just as I thought I was being weirdly morbid, I googled and found the Darwin Awards which lists several weird deaths. This will be a great help with my story. In my story's case, the murderer is the one coming up with weird ways to kill people - at least I think so. Hopefully my readers will agree. I have fun in the strangest ways. Sometimes I worry about myself. My kids always expect weird conversations with me, but I don't think they can accuse me of being boring. When I get into my research modes, especially when I'm writing murder mysteries, I wonder if I'll ever get arrested if the wrong person overhears my conversations. I'd certainly be arrested if people could read my mind. Do you know that real people have tried to float into the sky with balloons, not just the cartoon characters in UP? Someone has to be really stupid to think they could float way up there and be safe. What's going to happen when those balloons pop or lose their helium? I must be pathetic to spend my Saturday night researching weird ways to die. Many of these stories are stranger than fiction. Who would attach jumper cables to a cow's heart to use as a sex toy? Ew! Did you know that eagles pick up tortoises and then drop them on rocks to kill and crack them so they can eat them? An eagle mistook a bald man for a rock and killed the man when he dropped the tortoise on him. I don't know if the tortoise died, too. I'm learning so many (useless?) things during my research. Perhaps some will inspire another story. If you enjoy reading murder mysteries, romantic suspense, or romantic comedies, please check out my newest book "Simon Says". It will be released by Total-E-Bound Monday June 29th. Here's a teaser for your enjoyment. What detective agency boss Simon Says, ex-lovers Rafael and Marco do whether they like it or not, including tracking a murderer in a transvestite beauty contest in Ft. Lauderdale - and sharing a hotel room.Former actor come private dick Rafael may be in his element dressing up as a babe in Ft. Lauderdale's transvestite beauty contest in order to catch the sleaze ball murdering gays, but his ex-lover macho ex-New York cop Marco doesn't.In fact, Marco isn't sure which is worse - having to dress up as a babe and talking into the microphone hidden in his boobs, or being forced to shack up in a hotel room with his ex-lover and too-tempting fellow detective Rafael. Excerpt From: Simon Says “Simon says I have a dangerously fun assignment for my three favourite men, today.” The loud speaker crackled and echoed through the luxurious white-on-white offices of Simon’s Detective Agency. Private detectives Marco D’Angelo, Raphael Chico, and Cary Lombard stared at one another in turns. Cary, the computer nerd, shifted in his comfy armchair, leaned against the side, and sat Indian style. He tied his long golden blond hair into a silky ponytail and squinted in the direction of Simon’s voice. “How much fun is ‘fun’?” Marco, the ex-New York cop, scowled. “What do you mean ‘dangerously’?” Rafe, the ex-actor-makeup artist, ran his fingers through his dark curls and made a moue of his lips. “Do we get to dress up?” “Yes, indeedy, my pretty one. You’ll get to play with your makeup and costumes to your heart’s content. In fact, that’s an integral part of this assignment.” Glee glowed in Rafe’s heart and he rubbed his hands together. “I can’t wait. Do tell.” Cary cast an indulgent look at Rafe as he scratched his chin. “You made the diva very happy, but is there a part for me?” “Patience. I’m getting there. There’ll be plenty for all of you to make your little hearts happy. You get to bug lots of rooms, run videos, and fool with sound equipment. Will that keep your nerd heart happy?” Cary keyed notes into his laptop as he balanced it on his knees. He cracked a lopsided grin. “I’m good.” Marco linked his fingers behind his head and leaned back. Raphael wasn’t surprised when he kicked his booted feet up on the desk. “Cut to the chase, boss. Give us the nitty gritty.” “I’m trying to.” Simon’s fingers drummed loudly through the speaker. Glasses chinked. “You, my sweets, are going to be in a transvestite beauty pageant in Ft. Lauderdale. Have I caught your attention yet?” Salivating, Rafe scooted to the edge of his chair. He hadn’t been in a pageant for ages, not since long before joining Simon’s agency. “We all have to have a talent. I sing, act, dance, play wicked piano—” “Sprout wings.” Marco added, glaring at him. Rafe was sick of Marco’s derision. The tough guy ex-cop thought he was such hot shit, so big and bad. Rafe longed to wipe the smirk off his mug. “What’s your talent? Scratching your balls?” Cary snickered and gave an air high five. “Good one.” Marco gave them both the finger. To Cary he said, “At least, my idea of a hot Saturday night isn’t breaking and entering into private individual’s internet networks.” Simon clucked his tongue. “Now, now boys. Let’s stop the bickering. We all know one of Cary’s most invaluable talents is hacking.” Cary gave a toothy grin, stood and bowed. “Thank you. Thank you very much.” Marco’s brow furrowed. “If I were still on the force, I’d have hauled your scrawny ass into the pokey a long time ago.” “Bite me, pig. You wouldn’t have a halfway decent firewall or free satellite if not for me.” Rafe couldn’t wait to get started. He would be “Raquel Chico” for this tasty little job, with long, flowing curls, and rhinestone-studded lashes. He debated whether to be an average, sedate C-cup or a vivacious DD. Of course he’d have to get a manicure and pedicure straight away. The tough part would be dragging the butch cop and computer nerd with him. He went over his wardrobe and knew he couldn’t wear any of his old gowns. They’d be so 1999 he’d die of humiliation. “Will we have time for a shopping spree? Oh! And a bikini wax?” Marco groaned and rubbed his temples. “Do we all have to play dress up and prance around on stage like Diana Ross? Please say no.” “No, not all. Only two of you,” Simon said. I had a lot of fun writing "Simon Says" and I'm having fun now writing the sequel, "Private Dicks", even if weird research is involved. You'll also want to see what Amarinda Jones, Anika Hamilton, Anny Cook, Barbara Huffert, Brynn Paulin, Bronwyn Green, Dakota Rebel, Kelly Kirch, Molly Daniels, Sandra Cox, Regina Carlysle, and Cindy Spencer Pape are up to, so make sure to visit them also. :)

My Mother

I know Father's Day is this Sunday June 22nd and most people are thinking of their fathers at this time of year. However, my mother died 21 years ago today.

I try to forget what day this is. Usually, I'm teary-eyed on and off every June 18th. Sometimes I break down and cry. So far, so good. As I was writing the date this morning, realization struck that this is the anniversary of Mom's death. I didn't have any written reminders but it's embellished in my mind. I miss her so very much. I was her only child and so she doted on me. I was spoiled. My grandfather said so. And my cousin. I didn't appreciate her enough while she was here. We often argued. We didn't see eye to eye. But I always loved her. A lot of time has passed since she left us. I've had two more children that she will never meet. She has a grand-daughter-in-law and two great-grandchildren. Several more cousins have been added to the family tree. I earned my MBA and have had several books published which she'll never know about. Or will she? It often feels as if she's my guardian angel and that she is watching over me. I feel her presence, her gaze looking down upon me from heaven. Oh dear, the sting of tears is pricking the back of my eyes. I want to celebrate her life and starting next year, we'll throw a party every June 18th. I think she'd like a party in her honor. Maybe we'll barbecue. A young man in my office recently told us that he wants everyone to grill hotdogs and have a party when he dies. He wants a happy send off and he wants people to celebrate his life, not mourn it. I'm tired of the tears. I want to remember all the good things about my mother. She loved to watch John Wayne movies. She loved to read books, especially historicals. She loved to sew. She made my wedding gown and many of my clothes as I was growing up. She worked in alterations, tailoring, and bridal all her life. She was very good to her ill parents. She loved to bowl. She got me hooked on General Hospital. She liked to travel. She fell in love with California when she traveled there for my wedding. She spent her last days there. I love my dad, my uncle, my husband, and my oldest son who are all fathers, too. Since Father's Day is around the corner, I also want to wish them and all the dads everywhere a very happy Father's Day. But my thoughts today, are with my mother. Ashley http://www.ashleyladd.blogspot.com/

How Do You Comfort A Friend?

How do you comfort a friend when her husband has just died? My friend C just lost her bridegroom of less than two years. C (both are C's) died of a heart attack Saturday. He was about 63, which is still pretty young, at least it's considered young where we work. C is a work friend I've known for about a decade. My hubby and I went to her wedding and we've been out with C & C. I kept her daughter when they went on vacation a couple years ago. Her daughter was once in love with one of my sons. We go back a little while. I feel so bad for her. She'd been divorced for several years and she really wanted to find her soul mate and best friend. Finally, she had and they seemed very happy. We never know how long we'll have our friends and loved ones, do we? We just have to cherish them while they're here and then cherish the memories after they're gone. Please keep my friend and her family in your prayers. You'll also want to see what Amarinda Jones, Anika Hamilton, Anny Cook, Barbara Huffert, Brynn Paulin, Bronwyn Green, Dakota Rebel, Kelly Kirch, Molly Daniels, Sandra Cox, Regina Carlysle, and Cindy Spencer Pape are up to, so make sure to visit them also. :)

Black Friday Shopping Stampede and Deaths

Oh my God...WTF... For once I did NOT get involved in any Black Friday shopping. I was merely getting annoyed at the Borders' cafe with three selfish people who hogged double tables by the power outlets, all to themselves and wouldn't share. But that's another story... I've never been one to wait overnight or in huge lines. I don't like crowds. Even if I'm one of the first in line, people tend to push me aside and get in front of me anyway. It's not worth it to me to save a few bucks to get annoyed and jostled and disrespected. BUT...this mob actually stampeded and KILLED another person and almost killed others, including an 8 month pregnant woman. For WHAT??? Some cheaper toys for their kids? A cheap TV so they can watch themselves kill that poor man? A lot of the shoppers apparently didn't care that someone had died and that others were hurt, that they were part of that travesty. All they cared about was that they be allowed to keep shopping. If this wasn't horrible enough, two men drew guns in a Toys R Us in California, also on Black Friday, shot and killed one another. Shoppers were hiding under shelves with their babies and running out of the store screaming (if they could get out). Is this what Christmas is all about anymore? Is it only about commercialism so crass people don't care if they kill someone to get bargains? That they take loaded guns into stores? I already mentioned I wouldn't be doing nearly as much buying this Christmas as usual, that my kids need to celebrate what Christmas is really about - Jesus' birth and our salvation. Now, the idea of shopping at all is repulsive. You'll also want to see what Amarinda Jones, Anika Hamilton, Anny Cook, Barbara Huffert, Brynn Paulin, Bronwyn Green, Dakota Rebel, Kelly Kirch, Molly Daniels, Sandra Cox, Regina Carlysle, and Cindy Spencer Pape are up to, so make sure to visit them also. :)

Racing Death

I recently read this term "racing death" and it struck a chord. All my life I've felt as if I've been racing death. It's not that I had any premonitions I would die young, but that I have so much I want to accomplish in this life that I wouldn't have nearly enough time. Two things I longed for the most was to have a loving family and to write and build a writing career. I definitely have the family (which I'm wondering why I wanted so bad listening to the two youngest fight behind me as I write this), and I do have the writing career - but I'm still racing to get to the level of my dreams. (NY Times best seller list. Write for Harlequin and Silhouette, etc.) There were other things as well I'm so glad I did. I served my country in the military - Air Force. I really wanted to see the world and thought the Air Force would be my vehicle. Unfortunately, I was plopped in the middle of the Deep South (Mississippi) and then the mid-western USA (Nebraska) instead of Germany, Australia, Japan, or some other exciting foreign place. Although Mississippi and Nebraska weren't my dream picks, I really enjoyed both and am glad I had the chance to experience more of my own country and to meet the wonderful people I did. Biloxi, Mississippi (way before Katrina) was so very beautiful I'll never forget it. I twirled flags in the AF Drum & Bugle Corps and even marched in the New Orleans and Biloxi Mardis Gras parades. I earned my MBA and now I'm actually the "Working Girl" I longed dreamed of being. I attend lots of important meetings. I find and fix a lot of problems. Best of all, I get to help a lot of people since I work for a charity that serves the poor - another one of my dreams fulfilled (helping people). As a kid I was an avid bowler, swimmer, bicyclist, roller skater, and rider (horses). I loved to attend summer camp - I tried to stay all summer and sometimes talked Mom into letting me stay as long as 3 weeks. A few years ago I even joined karate although I was already in my 40s. Karate hadn't been a lifelong goal of mine but once my son got involved it looked like a good way to exercise and stay in shape and seemed pretty cool. For a long time I thought all black belts were really admirable and I wanted to be one. That's one dream that fizzled, however, and on one level, I'm sorry but on another, I just couldn't admire some of the black belts I'd been meeting although I do want to go on record that some of them are some of the people I respect most. Anyway... That goes to show that we not all dreams and aspirations turn out to be something we wanted as much as we once thought we did. (Boy is that convoluted but I'm drained and failing fast tonight.) I've probably missed a few things, maybe even a biggie or two. But I always come back to writing, the love of my life. No matter what, I always come back to it even if I stray for a bit, even if my muse cheats on me. I heard and still hear a lot of people say, "I'm going to write a book one day," or "I want to write when the kids grow up" or "I'll write after I retire and I have more time." I knew I couldn't wait till the kids grew up or until I retired from my day job (the way this economy's going, I'll never get to retire from the day job). I knew I had to write NOW, every day. I knew I had to fit it into my life and to start it NOW ("NOW" being almost twenty years ago when my older children were still young). Even then, in my early twenties, I felt like I was racing death. That was way before I felt the weight of age I'm beginning to feel. Even then I was driven to reach for my dreams to make sure I achieved them. Now that my birthday is next week and the year after is a really big milestone of a birthday, I feel my mortality a lot more than I did then. Although I've achieved a lot and feel rather successful and happy, I've not reached my highest goals. I still have dozens, maybe hundreds of stories inside clamoring to be told. I still have mountains (publishers) to conquer. I still long to see the rest of the world (I've only been out of the US 3 times - to have lunch in Canada, a business trip to the worst slums in Haiti and another business trip to the worst slums in Jamaica). Sometimes I fear my dream of seeing the world is the one I won't achieve, that I'll be entombed in Florida the rest of my days (not that Florida is too bad if I have to be stranded - it's actually pretty darned terrific). Lately, I've been exhausted and wonder if I'm losing the race. I'm not suffering from any dire medical condition that I'm aware of except for low thyroid which isn't terrible compared to other illnesses. Of course maybe my thyroid's just out of whack again. It's usually the culprit when I'm extremely exhausted. Tired or not, I'm itching to finish at least six stories (very soon that is - and of course a WHOLE LOT MORE than that during the rest of my lifetime), to be accepted by my dream publishers, to be all that I can be.