Saturday, June 27, 2009

Weird Murders

Murder's on my mind lately. I'm writing the sequel to "Simon Says", an M/M comedy romantic suspense releasing Monday June 29th at Total-E-Bound. The sequel is also a comedic murder mystery and I'm trying to think up funny ways people die or try to kill other people. Just as I thought I was being weirdly morbid, I googled and found the Darwin Awards which lists several weird deaths. This will be a great help with my story. In my story's case, the murderer is the one coming up with weird ways to kill people - at least I think so. Hopefully my readers will agree. I have fun in the strangest ways. Sometimes I worry about myself. My kids always expect weird conversations with me, but I don't think they can accuse me of being boring. When I get into my research modes, especially when I'm writing murder mysteries, I wonder if I'll ever get arrested if the wrong person overhears my conversations. I'd certainly be arrested if people could read my mind. Do you know that real people have tried to float into the sky with balloons, not just the cartoon characters in UP? Someone has to be really stupid to think they could float way up there and be safe. What's going to happen when those balloons pop or lose their helium? I must be pathetic to spend my Saturday night researching weird ways to die. Many of these stories are stranger than fiction. Who would attach jumper cables to a cow's heart to use as a sex toy? Ew! Did you know that eagles pick up tortoises and then drop them on rocks to kill and crack them so they can eat them? An eagle mistook a bald man for a rock and killed the man when he dropped the tortoise on him. I don't know if the tortoise died, too. I'm learning so many (useless?) things during my research. Perhaps some will inspire another story. If you enjoy reading murder mysteries, romantic suspense, or romantic comedies, please check out my newest book "Simon Says". It will be released by Total-E-Bound Monday June 29th. Here's a teaser for your enjoyment. What detective agency boss Simon Says, ex-lovers Rafael and Marco do whether they like it or not, including tracking a murderer in a transvestite beauty contest in Ft. Lauderdale - and sharing a hotel room.Former actor come private dick Rafael may be in his element dressing up as a babe in Ft. Lauderdale's transvestite beauty contest in order to catch the sleaze ball murdering gays, but his ex-lover macho ex-New York cop Marco doesn't.In fact, Marco isn't sure which is worse - having to dress up as a babe and talking into the microphone hidden in his boobs, or being forced to shack up in a hotel room with his ex-lover and too-tempting fellow detective Rafael. Excerpt From: Simon Says “Simon says I have a dangerously fun assignment for my three favourite men, today.” The loud speaker crackled and echoed through the luxurious white-on-white offices of Simon’s Detective Agency. Private detectives Marco D’Angelo, Raphael Chico, and Cary Lombard stared at one another in turns. Cary, the computer nerd, shifted in his comfy armchair, leaned against the side, and sat Indian style. He tied his long golden blond hair into a silky ponytail and squinted in the direction of Simon’s voice. “How much fun is ‘fun’?” Marco, the ex-New York cop, scowled. “What do you mean ‘dangerously’?” Rafe, the ex-actor-makeup artist, ran his fingers through his dark curls and made a moue of his lips. “Do we get to dress up?” “Yes, indeedy, my pretty one. You’ll get to play with your makeup and costumes to your heart’s content. In fact, that’s an integral part of this assignment.” Glee glowed in Rafe’s heart and he rubbed his hands together. “I can’t wait. Do tell.” Cary cast an indulgent look at Rafe as he scratched his chin. “You made the diva very happy, but is there a part for me?” “Patience. I’m getting there. There’ll be plenty for all of you to make your little hearts happy. You get to bug lots of rooms, run videos, and fool with sound equipment. Will that keep your nerd heart happy?” Cary keyed notes into his laptop as he balanced it on his knees. He cracked a lopsided grin. “I’m good.” Marco linked his fingers behind his head and leaned back. Raphael wasn’t surprised when he kicked his booted feet up on the desk. “Cut to the chase, boss. Give us the nitty gritty.” “I’m trying to.” Simon’s fingers drummed loudly through the speaker. Glasses chinked. “You, my sweets, are going to be in a transvestite beauty pageant in Ft. Lauderdale. Have I caught your attention yet?” Salivating, Rafe scooted to the edge of his chair. He hadn’t been in a pageant for ages, not since long before joining Simon’s agency. “We all have to have a talent. I sing, act, dance, play wicked piano—” “Sprout wings.” Marco added, glaring at him. Rafe was sick of Marco’s derision. The tough guy ex-cop thought he was such hot shit, so big and bad. Rafe longed to wipe the smirk off his mug. “What’s your talent? Scratching your balls?” Cary snickered and gave an air high five. “Good one.” Marco gave them both the finger. To Cary he said, “At least, my idea of a hot Saturday night isn’t breaking and entering into private individual’s internet networks.” Simon clucked his tongue. “Now, now boys. Let’s stop the bickering. We all know one of Cary’s most invaluable talents is hacking.” Cary gave a toothy grin, stood and bowed. “Thank you. Thank you very much.” Marco’s brow furrowed. “If I were still on the force, I’d have hauled your scrawny ass into the pokey a long time ago.” “Bite me, pig. You wouldn’t have a halfway decent firewall or free satellite if not for me.” Rafe couldn’t wait to get started. He would be “Raquel Chico” for this tasty little job, with long, flowing curls, and rhinestone-studded lashes. He debated whether to be an average, sedate C-cup or a vivacious DD. Of course he’d have to get a manicure and pedicure straight away. The tough part would be dragging the butch cop and computer nerd with him. He went over his wardrobe and knew he couldn’t wear any of his old gowns. They’d be so 1999 he’d die of humiliation. “Will we have time for a shopping spree? Oh! And a bikini wax?” Marco groaned and rubbed his temples. “Do we all have to play dress up and prance around on stage like Diana Ross? Please say no.” “No, not all. Only two of you,” Simon said. I had a lot of fun writing "Simon Says" and I'm having fun now writing the sequel, "Private Dicks", even if weird research is involved. You'll also want to see what Amarinda Jones, Anika Hamilton, Anny Cook, Barbara Huffert, Brynn Paulin, Bronwyn Green, Dakota Rebel, Kelly Kirch, Molly Daniels, Sandra Cox, Regina Carlysle, and Cindy Spencer Pape are up to, so make sure to visit them also. :)

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