Friday, January 29, 2010

Saturday Snippets: Humorous Excerpts

Today's Snippet Saturday theme is "Humorous", something near and dear to my heart. I've written many romantic comedies. I love to read them. I love to watch them on TV. I love to make my kids laugh in real life.

Some of my favorite romantic comedies I've written are: American Beauty, Purrfect Justice, Mata Hali and Make-Believe Lover. It's hard to choose an excerpt from just one as I really enjoyed writing all of them.

The winner today, however, is American Beauty.

Kirsty Engle is in shock when Bradley Miller, resplendent in a ball gown, feather boa, and tons of eye shadow, wants to rent her spare room. She can't understand why this obviously unavailable man makes her heart sing and her blood boil more than any other.

Undercover police officer Lt. Brad Mueller curses his captain and the car thieves that are responsible for him being in such a totally ludicrous predicament. It's bad enough he has to dress like a babe, but he's received strict orders not to touch one for the duration of his secret mission, under threat of being fired from the force. This ladies' man doesn't know if he can stand his worse-than-death sentence - particularly after he falls for his sweet and very voluptuous landlady. As if all of that isn't bad enough, everything gets really crazy when Kirsty and her gay boss make a bet to see who can win his heart.

A sizzling, hilarious romantic comedy.

An Excerpt From: American Beauty

© Copyright Ashley Ladd, 2003.

All Rights Reserved, Ellora's Cave, Inc.

He must’ve dozed off, for he awoke with a start when silky hair caressed his cheek and a lace-covered breast grazed his arm. “Wake up, Sleeping Beauty,” a very sultry, husky voice crooned. “I brought home your favorite – Prime Rib and chocolate covered strawberries.” She perched on the couch beside him, leaning over him, her creamy breasts almost falling out of a slinky, frilly creation he was sure was illegal throughout the First World.

Had he thought of her as a sprite? Temptress was more like it. No, siren was the apt description. Those dusky aureoles peaked out at him again and his blood pressure shot sky high.

He swallowed hard, his pulse hammering and his breathing uneven. His cock sprung to full attention. He knew he should move away, make a joke, or do something to diffuse the dangerous situation, but he couldn’t. Not when she scooted back and rubbed against him, torturing him inhumanely.

She smelled of lilacs, vanilla, and strawberries. Then he realized it was an oddly smoky vanilla scent, and fresh juicy strawberries. He pried his gaze from her tight nipples and noticed for the first time how the dim lights flickered from candles on every surface. “Is it my birthday?” His voice crackled, sultrier than hers. His cock ached to get out of his palace and play. Down boy! It had only suffered a female drought for a few days, not the eon it felt like.

Kirsty licked her shiny lips, slow and languorously, her pink tongue just peeking out those luscious lips, promising pleasure beyond compare to any man brave enough to take up her invitation. And she undoubtedly invited him. But why? Until tonight, she’d been sweet and teetered on the shy side. Why had she morphed into this voluptuous seductress who knew all the moves, and flaunted her voluptuous body in sucking distance, to drive him so wild to forget himself and his mission?

Stars twinkled in her eyes and she ran a fingernail down his chest, which she let hover just below his navel, at the snap of his jeans. Her nipples strained against the see-through lace, taut little buds teasing him unmercifully.

He longed to touch the outer rim of her dusky areole, and his mouth went dry. He could taste it deep inside his mouth.

“What do you want for your birthday?” She leaned over him, and her bodice gaped open to give him a nearly full view of the gorgeous breast.

He sucked in his breath unable to tear his gaze from the perfect view. When she sat down again, rubbing against him, his shaft strained to be free. He didn’t know how much more torture he could stand. Never had he restrained himself before and he could barely remember why he needed to now. The female was not only willing, she was begging him to fuck her.


He almost fell off the couch, but rolled into her instead, increasing his pain to even more excruciating levels. “Starved,” he admitted, hoping she didn’t plan to tease and torture him all night like this. If she seduced him, as she surely seemed to be doing, he could succumb. Even Crowe couldn’t fault a red-blooded man for being unable to resist the lures of a nearly naked seductress.

“In that case,” a slow smile dawned over her face making her glow, “Open your mouth wide. I have something special for you.”

American Beauty is available at Ellora's Cave.

For more humorous excerpts please visit the other authors participating in Snippet Saturday. Enjoy!

Vivian Arend
McKenna Jeffries
Ashley Ladd
Kelly Maher
Shelley Munro
Taige Crenshaw
Lauren Dane
Shelli Stevens
TJ Michaels

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Unknown said...

Enjoyed the excerpt, Ashley! I love romantic comedies. :)

I especially love making my children laugh. There's nothing better than their laughter.

Unknown said...

I love romantic comedies... excellent excerpt!

Linda Kage said...

Oh, yum. Very nice. Thanks for sharing. I love reading your snippets!

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