My Mother

I know Father's Day is this Sunday June 22nd and most people are thinking of their fathers at this time of year. However, my mother died 21 years ago today.

I try to forget what day this is. Usually, I'm teary-eyed on and off every June 18th. Sometimes I break down and cry. So far, so good. As I was writing the date this morning, realization struck that this is the anniversary of Mom's death. I didn't have any written reminders but it's embellished in my mind. I miss her so very much. I was her only child and so she doted on me. I was spoiled. My grandfather said so. And my cousin. I didn't appreciate her enough while she was here. We often argued. We didn't see eye to eye. But I always loved her. A lot of time has passed since she left us. I've had two more children that she will never meet. She has a grand-daughter-in-law and two great-grandchildren. Several more cousins have been added to the family tree. I earned my MBA and have had several books published which she'll never know about. Or will she? It often feels as if she's my guardian angel and that she is watching over me. I feel her presence, her gaze looking down upon me from heaven. Oh dear, the sting of tears is pricking the back of my eyes. I want to celebrate her life and starting next year, we'll throw a party every June 18th. I think she'd like a party in her honor. Maybe we'll barbecue. A young man in my office recently told us that he wants everyone to grill hotdogs and have a party when he dies. He wants a happy send off and he wants people to celebrate his life, not mourn it. I'm tired of the tears. I want to remember all the good things about my mother. She loved to watch John Wayne movies. She loved to read books, especially historicals. She loved to sew. She made my wedding gown and many of my clothes as I was growing up. She worked in alterations, tailoring, and bridal all her life. She was very good to her ill parents. She loved to bowl. She got me hooked on General Hospital. She liked to travel. She fell in love with California when she traveled there for my wedding. She spent her last days there. I love my dad, my uncle, my husband, and my oldest son who are all fathers, too. Since Father's Day is around the corner, I also want to wish them and all the dads everywhere a very happy Father's Day. But my thoughts today, are with my mother. Ashley http://www.ashleyladd.blogspot.com/